Why Ethiopian Food Is Better Than Sex


I live in DC and it can be very dull, and so can a lot of the men, but one of things you cannot beat is our Ethiopian food.

While a man or woman or combo of the two can be quite the tasty treat, it does not beat the sponge bread and spicy food of an Ethiopian dish (I am erotica writer, not a foodie, I am not Googling the ingredients or name.)

All I know is Ethiopian food has never finished too son, I am always the one finishing first and with plenty left over; it also doesn’t talk about sports or Beltway politics–yawn.

The only problem is you can’t eat and write, because you have to use your hands (there are no forks), but there are so many men who think their hands are in the way of getting sex and with Ethiopian food the foreplay is all about getting your hands dirty and then tasting the meal. 

If you are ever in DC, yes, visit all the tourist stuff but make sure you find a good Ethiopian restaurant; we have the best in the nation and afterward you will feel inspired, full, and sensual—now if I can only find a boyfriend that makes me feel that way I would be set.



PS I got my first review and it was good one from a total stranger!


Also, my political satire-erotica novella “A Fair & Balanced Fuck Fest” I am working very hard on and my editor is loving it so fair; I’m very excited for it to come out!  


Funny and Mean Poetry Book About Celebrities: Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems

The DJ Stone Crazy Spot

On the night of Oscars 2014, poet/author/ex-porn store manager Christoph Paul released a free eBook version of  Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems. Most of these hilarious poems are celebrities speaking to a psychoanalyst. For those who hate pompous-assed celebrities, this book fits your needs.Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems

Check out the opening Lady Gaga verse.

“I’m Madonna before she became a British Jew.”

Then, the Oprah poem touches on a subject many people believe as truth, including me.

“You must find ways to make white housewives buy this book.”

Last are the verses that first caught my attention. These exist in the Paula Deen poem.

“Well, color my grits;
the colored our free.
But they still don’t
know their place.

It’s a shame cause
niggers really love
my mac and cheese.”

If mean-spirited and funny are your thing, make sure you search Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems on Amazon.  I would link to it. Yet, WordPress.com would accuse…

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Metro Man


Your eyes, enlarge

when you look my way.


I notice other things,

on you grow bigger.


Women have a way of looking,

without you ever knowing.


But you, you’re not

discrete Mr. Metro Man.


You don’t fool me

with your newspaper.


I can see your eyes

above the sports pages


staring at me and I can see

the smudge from the sweat


on your hands, I want

to feel on my skin.

The Fetish Gamble


In erotica, risk is not always awarded. It is very much a hit or miss kind of thing. Though, I am more a football girl, the baseball metaphor of homerun and strike out comes to play when you write a fetish centric erotic work.

I saw an intriguing documentary about ‘maskers’: men who like to dress up like female dolls. It was fascinating to me, and I found the act very erotic. It is also free today and tomorrow.


I wrote a solid story and put it out for the same price as many other erotica pieces but it has not done that well.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, and I know I am newbie at this but I see it was a high risk, high reward story to write.

Artistically it was very fulfilling and I have gotten a few nice e-mails but it has not been a story the masses and average erotica reader has downloaded—though the director gave it a very nice shout out which made me feel very good.

I see in erotica, risk is not always rewarded in the marketplace unless it really something original—dinosaur and beast mating became big, but that is just not my thing (when I’m the prude, I know it is some truly kinky stuff.)

As I do something that is still a little out there mixing politics and satire, into erotica I am once again gambling.

I could lose but I like when the stakes are high. 

Even Fox News Likes To Fuck


My editor said he had an idea he wanted to write but there was just too much on his plate, and asked me if I wanted to write it.

Now, I love working with an editor but I like coming up with my own ideas, but the idea was so much fun I thought–hell, I need to write this and I could it write it well.

He said it was just a plot of an extreme left-wing group drugging Fox News’ water supply and making them have sex with each other. Now, I won’t lie, I work for the Government (yes I have a pen name for many reasons) and lean very left but the idea of Sean Hannity having hot sex with Elizabeth Hasselbeck was just something I felt like I had to do.

So I am working on it with the title “A Fair & Balanced Fuck Fest” and my editor is very happy of what I have so far, and yes the Hannity-Hasselbeck scene is pretty damn hot.

More to cum…


Valentine’s Day Kindle Sale

Happy Valentine’s Day Bizarro Fiction fans! We love you! We love you so much we want to be inside your kindle. Caressing it. Stimulating the pixels on your e-ink displays. Which is why from now until January 20th, you can get the Kindle edition of the following NINE books for  just 99 cents each or  FREE if you purchase or have already purchased the paperback edition. Spread the love!


Fantastic Orgy by Carlton Mellick III

1936383802Kindle regularly $4.95, BUY NOW FOR $0.99

Shark women, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases.

Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmitted diseases are more extreme and bizarre. Not exactly diseases anymore, they are more like sexually transmitted body modifications. There’s an STD that changes your hair color, an STD that…

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Review of “Mitt”

Great White House


My co-writer Brody Thomas enjoyed “Mitt” but all I could think while watching it: thank God he wasn’t elected, it would have sucked to have him be the lead character of “Great White House”.

Mitt Romney is just a boring guy and doesn’t make much for lively television. I know a lot people have critiqued him as being rich and out of touch, but whatever, he has money I can’t fault the guy for that.

I want money, that doesn’t make me evil, but what I can fault is seeing a guy who is that not good at or even belongs in Politics.

Where Bush had Rove, Obama had the mustache guy, and Clinton had that really ugly guy (we are seeing a trend that ugly men making for great political operatives) we see Romney only with his family.

We still do see a guy who is out of touch…

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